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So I popped down to the Create (which is like a mixed grocery/drug store kind of place - usually found in Kanagawa) for some milk and dried prawns for the turts, and was off in my own little world thinking about what I was working on at the time, just going through the motions at the register. Handed over the cash, handed over the point card, got change, got card, got stuff. Just as this little charade was about to end the lady at the register suddenly turned around to me and said something in perfect English.

I was so stunned that I just kinda stood there for a bit with my mouth hanging open. So she asked me the question again. (It happened to be the dreaded “Are you an American” question but anyway). But she sounded really nervous the second time because looking at me - who was looking dumbfounded - she was probably thinking to herself “Oh shit I’m talking English to someone who doesn’t speak English, now I feel like an idiot”.

Trained response kicks in with “I’m Australian”, but then I got really stuck. I had no idea how to keep the conversation going. Usually when someone asks me that it’s in Japanese and then they say “Well your Japanese is very good” and I pretend to be all humble and just smile and shuffle off. But that wasn’t going to happen this time. I was in small-talk land and sinking fast.

Thankfully she turned out to be the chatty sort and filled me in on her details (turns out she is from the Philippines). I did manage to trot out that old standard “How long have you been in Japan” line, before I was saved by an impatient obaa-san waiting in line behind me.

So I smiled and exited the store.

I felt like a real dummy afterwards though. I was just so unprepared to interact with anyone that I completely botched it up when it happened. Part of me feels like going down there and explaining to her that I’m usually quite a decent conversationalist, and that I hope she didn’t think I was rude. Most of me feels though any attempt to explain myself will just make things worse.... besides I can always buy milk at the Fuji and they know for sure I’m a complete twit there already......

• I’ve had that happen a few times. Lost in my own thoughts, I am totally unprepared for speaking to anyone in any language. I must seem quite retarded when I stand there, mouth agape trying to will words to come out. (Obviously doesn’t happen often)

  Kristen
  07/01/24 10:30 AM

• The other night a dropped into the Royal Host in Bashimichi for something to eat. I have never seen a foreigner go in there so I thought as I entered the door, “I wonder if I freak out the staff when they notice that I am coming in”. To my surprise I was greeted by a European looking waitress who spoke to me in Japanese. Not expecting this, I fumbled my response. I ordered in Japanese and, as time went on, deduced that she was probably French. When she brought my desert, she spoke some English to me and I too was at a loss as to how to respond. Is this culture shock?

  Stuart Woodward
  07/01/25 12:21 AM