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I came across this list on MonkeyFilter.

And I felt it needed some editing….

52 (Almost) Free (Sometimes Possibly Illegal) Ways to Annoy People and Lose Online and Offline Credibility

1 - Nothing beats word of mouth. I suggest reading the book “Buzzmarketing” by Mark Hughes

When people’s eyes glaze over, change the topic. Also if those invites stop coming this will be the culprit. This only works if your site is interesting. If it is people may talk about it. If your url is mention every 3 sentences people will think you are boring (and that your site is too).

2 - Snail Mail still works. Mail out fliers

This is called junk mail. It is a waste of resources. It will generate 2 main results - go straight from mail box to bin, and/or irritate people.

Plus depending where you live or send to you should be prepared to maintain a list of people who have submitted a form to be removed from direct mailing lists - otherwise you can be prosecuted as a criminal in some countries.

Example - In the US you can fill out a form to stop unsolicited mail, and violators of this are open to prosecution.

3 - Join forums and put a link in your signature. Make topics related to your website

This is called forum spamming. Do this and most forum admins will ban you. Even if you aren’t banned people will probably ignore you and your posts.

If you already belong to a forum or community and participate regularly on a range of topics then it’s not a bad idea to have your url on your profile page. (Note that does not mean just sign up to a bunch of forums and link your site from your profile page. This is another form of forum spamming.)

4 - Good ole fashioned link exchanges still work

Yes they do. People will link to you if you have good content on your site. If you mail sites randomly to link to you, they will probably tell you to take a running jump.

If you mail me I will definitely tell you to take a running jump. Actually I won’t tell you, I’ll just delete your mail. You are forewarned.

5 - Post flyers around town

Definitely make sure to get permission before doing this anywhere. Also if you hand out flyers you’ll notice that most of them end up in a bin a few metres away. This is also very irritating if you are in people’s way.

6 - Cold call

This is also known as telemarketing. And the quickest way to destroy your soul. Also if you call people on a Do Not Call Registry they can probably sue you.

Examples: In the US you can be sued $500 bucks for not even having a written policy about your do-not-call list.

From May 2007 in Australia there will be a government-run Do not call registry available.

7 - Post reviews on other websites, leave your URL

This needs clarification. Post thoughtful relevant reviews to websites which encourage reviewing. Don’t just write crap to get a link.

And do not for the love of all things holy post random comments to blogs with your url.

8 - Write articles

Write thoughtful articles about issues or topics of interest in your line of business. Then post them on your website. This is also known as “having decent content on your site”. Some sites accept - even solicit - relevant articles for posting on their site. Contribute content and they’ll give a link back to your site.

9 - Write an eBook

Oh good grief. If you have a lot of good content in your head - just post it to your site. That way people can link to the interesting bits. Not many users choose to download a PDF file to read on their screens. Keep your content out there live. (Also much better for search engines to find.)

10 - Write a book

And presumably give up on your site cause this will takes weeks of intensive work to do (if you are even capable of it), and then weeks trying to get it published, and after that months of promoting it. By which time you will be - what site?

12 - Adjust your meta tags and submit to search engines

Make a short list of specific keywords for your site. Write a concise description.

meta name=“description” content=“Concise site description”
meta name=“keywords” content=“specific, keywords, here”

Then submit it to search engines, ie Google.

12 - Bug your friends to bug their friends

And lose all your friends.

13 - Sponsor an event

This is not a bad idea. It is however a lot to organize and potentially pretty expensive.

14 - Sponsor a charity

Is there a word missing here? Like “event”? If you can afford to sponsor an entire charity then you should be hiring professionals to advise on your website and not reading dodgy lists online.

Anyway just give to charities and don’t crow about it. That’s tacky.

15 - Publish regular articles on your website

These are presumably the ones you wrote above at #8. Which makes #15 a bit pointless.

16 - Create business cards with your URL. Leave them in bathrooms, tables, wherever you can.

You should have business cards. They should reflect your brand, and of course have your url on them.

The second part of this suggestion is called littering. If you don’t know that’s a no-no then you are probably under 6 years old. And if that’s the case then you shouldn’t be reading this site because sometimes MJ uses naughty words.

17 - Create a brochure

Unless you are a designer, hire a professional to first of all work with you to create a brand, then to produce a brochure which you can give to potential clients who request one.

18 - Host a fundraiser

For a charity? For yourself? If it’s for yourself you’d better check out the rules involved.

Example: UK - Code of Fundraising Practices

19 - Throw a party for your clients. Have them bring friends

Make sure you serve cubes of cheese on toothpicks stuck in half an orange - cause nothing says “hip” and “professional” like those!

20 - Instruct a class as a guest teacher

And remember to write your url on their hands and to research your site as homework.

21 - Instruct a class as a regular teacher

This is a good idea. Then give up on your site/business for your new full time job.

22 - Be a guest speaker at an event

This is actually one of the sensible suggestions. It’s a good way to promote yourself and your business, and help others understand some aspect of it.

Be warned though you could crash and burn if you suck as a speaker.

23 - Rent a booth at the local fair or flea market

Then you can sell your possessions to live on if the first 22 suggestions cleaned you out.

Honestly this would only be appropriate if your business was offering goods or you were an artist. Keep in mind though this will make you look pretty dinky on a business level. Which might not be the image you were looking for.

24 - Hand out custom chocolates with your URL

Do not have peanuts in them. Prepare a health warning to attach to chocolates. Make sure your url is only 3 letters long or be prepared to be handing out big blocks of chocolate. Hope that your url will be absorbed via their tastebuds cause once they eat it they probably won’t remember what was on it.

25 - Make sure your site is user friendly and search engine friendly (try Spaggle.com)

Try working with a web professional who is experienced at doing this. Which in almost 2007 should be all of them.

26 - Send out monthly newsletters

To users who sign up and subscribe for such a service. Make sure they can unsubscribe when they wish. Do not sell your list to evil spammers.

Remember just “sending out” is called spamming. And if you spam email accounts your soul will burn in hell for an eternity*.

*This may only be wishful thinking on the part of MJ.

27 - Write guest articles in related website’s newsletters

See also #8 and #15.

28 - Create a blog

Update blog regularly with relevant content. Devote some time to it. Sometimes a lot of time. If you can’t, don’t create a blog.

29 - Write press releases and submit them to PR sites (PRWeb.com)

If you aren’t writing press releases already, take a business course. Send press releases to relevant parties only.

30 - Join social bookmarking sites and bookmark your URLs (Digg.com, StumbleUpon.com, etc)

Yeah cause these sites love it when you join just to promote your own site. Nah really they do! They won’t ban or scorn you at all! [/sarcasm]

Better suggestion - if you are posting articles on your site put a link to these services so that people who read the articles and think it is of value will then link it.

31 - Send out cards or e-cards on holidays/anniveraries to customers to show them you care

Anniveraries? This may be the place to point out how important proof-reading your text is. Having typos all over your site reeks of unprofessionalism.

By the way - e-cards don’t show you care.

32 - Send unhappy customers gift baskets

I’m sure they would prefer to work through why you are having problems in your business relationship.

Make sure any happy customer you merely sent an e-card to doesn’t find out too.

33 - Advertise in the services area of your local newspaper

Remember to add your url in the ad. Also you might want to consider asking any new or potential clients how they found you. Otherwise how will you know this is effective? Might be as useful for you as flushing money down the toilet.

34 - Write a guest article for your local newspaper

We sure are writing a lot of articles here.

35 - Give away free samples of your service or product

If appropriate for your business. Make sure you set out the rules very clearly for doing so. Remember the web is international - are you prepared to send goods to other countries? If yes, say so. If not - say so.

Also make sure you state clearly just how much of a product you have to give away. Don’t leave yourself open to sending out a gazillion products all over the world.

36 - Hold a contest

Once again check what is involved in regards to laws in your area and state clearly the conditions of the contest.

37 - Simply ask people to bookmark your site

Simply be prepared to have people laugh at you. If you have a good site and/or service people will bookmark it.

38 - Create an affiliate program. People like money

Sounds simple doesn’t it? This needs a complete strategy for administering and handling payment. Also for dealing with issues that arise such as non registered affiliations, and fraud.

39 - Add your product to Froogle, eBay and Yahoo Shopping

This is effective if you do not yet have the infrastructure to handle online sales via your site. If you are already selling online this is pointless.

40 - Write about a controversial topic and host it on your site. Without offending people, of course

Apparently we are writing articles again. And how can you be controversial without offending at least a few people?

41 - Get T-Shirts made (Cafepress.com). Pass them out to your friends and family

Yes! Because everyone you know is just a living billboard waiting to be used!

They’ll only wear them because they love you. And if you come up with a crap design then they’ll use them for dust cloths regardless.

42 - Sub-Contract for related but non-competing businesses/individuals

If this is a part of your business plan - sure. Only to promote your site? Um no.

43 - Give away free trials

See #35.

44 - Write an online advice column

A.K.A. - articles or a blog. We’ve been here before on this list…..

45 - Volunteer within your community

With all the spare time you have after writing articles, blogs, etc etc - what the hell give all your fellow volunteers a free t-shirt!

46 - Keep your website updated

This is actually sensible and should be at #2.

47 - Join social websites such as LinkedIn.com, Ecademy.com and MySpace.com

If you are prepared to accept that you will then need to promote yourself on these sites as well as your own. They have their uses - but they aren’t magical promotion machines.

48 - Attempt to make a personal, yet professional connection with potential customers

Which rules out a large chunk of the suggestions already made in this list….

49 - Research your competition. Find out how you’re better than they are. Flaunt the fact

Research your competition. Look at their sites. Define what you like and dislike about the presentation and functionality. Examine how you could adopt similar functions to help your business. Don’t flaunt it because that does not come across as professional.

50 - To get indexed in search engines faster and better, purchase an existing domain from an individual versus a new one. Make sure it’s at least two years old with existing PR

Erm… make sure your domain is either - your company name, or a domain name that is relevant to your business. Something that people will associate with you. Have good content on the site and you’ll be indexed by search engines fast enough.

51 - Raise awareness to an event or public concern

Only if you are invested in it. Otherwise you’ll come across as a sleaze. An opportunist.

52 - Donate a percentage of your earnings to help schools. Display this on your website

Please only do this in a subtle way. Grand-standing is just not cool.

MJ’s Sensible Ways to Promote Your Site

1. Have good typo-free content which explains your business. Make sure that the content is up to date.

2. Have a well designed site which allows users to access your good content.

3. Don’t just have a brochure site. Work towards adding functions to your site which will help your business, and making things easier for your clients and to achieve your mutual goals. If your business is purely online keep working on ways to improve how it functions for the users.

4. Maintain proper business practices.

Er my list only has 4 points. But if you don’t have these then really there is no point in attempting any in the list of 52. Sure you might score some extra hits right after any of these activities - but if people don’t keep coming back you’ve wasted time and money. Building a good site should be your focus. If you don’t have the skills to do so - then pay people who do.

And while I recommend researching as much as you can online for tips - take a lot with a pinch of salt.

If you already have a good site most of the suggestions in this list are probably irrelevant anyway.

• You crack me up, sweetie. So snarky…

  Kristen
  06/12/14 12:59 PM

• Sounds like somebody we know up north either wrote this or read it and adopted it as gospel.. well used to as she has been very quiet lately…

  The Goddess
  06/12/14 07:55 PM

• Funny, i was thinking of her too, heh. Glad to hear she has quietened down.

  j-ster
  06/12/16 07:59 PM

• Hi. As an amateur writer, I enjoy feedback from readers. This list was written as a short list of ideas, sort of like a muse for non-marketing individuals. Not a ‘do-them-all-at-once’. I assumed readers would have enough common sense to know not to spam someone and other points you made.

  But you did make a point by showing me I need to be more through in my future articles. Thanks!

  In addition, you’ve added some really good things, MJ.

  TAW

  TAW
  07/01/11 07:00 AM

• Hi TAW

  It’s possible you’ve never worked with marketing gun-ho clients who want to do every idea they’ve read online…

  Good luck with the writing!

  MJ
  07/01/11 04:21 PM

• MJ, you are correct. I have never worked in marketing. I have always stuck with the development side, so most of these assumptions were common sense to me.

  However, I see your point. Maybe that article could be revised one day.

  TAW
  07/01/27 08:01 AM